Random Thoughts

it started when we landed in beijing last february to meet and bring home our daughter.
first and foremost, this is the country and culture that produced the precious little girl that has changed my life forever.
it is a fascinating place.
america has a 200 year old history and i barely know much about it.
china’s history spans CENTURIES. a fully modern human skull has been (controversially) dated at 65,000 years old.
our trip to china, even aside from the fact that we became parents there, was by far the best two week excursion we’ve ever been on.

the changes in the last 30 years in china are mind blowing.
as china is increasingly opening its doors to the outside world, china is now exploding in all directions.
there are obviously positives and negatives that come along with such rapid “advancement.”
there is a widening gap between the rich and the poor.
as many as 500,000,000 people in china still live on $2 per day.

china is working hard to gain acceptance on the world stage.
case in point, the hosting of the olympics.

DID YOU SEE THE OPENING CEREMONIES?!!

simply incredible.
so much for the popular notion that the chinese lack in creativity.

c.c. said it well. we’re very proud that our daughter is chinese.
and of course we’re looking forward to adding a chinese son to our family soon.

i’m not really going anywhere with this post, but just wanted to say that i love china.

i love wipeout. goodnight.

to share some great news, but i can’t go quite this public just yet!

don’t read any further if you want to be surprised about the special father’s day song for this sunday at crosspointe……

….for the 5 of you that read this, here’s a sneak peak….

“love the lord” by lincoln brewster (cd “all to you…live”)
“indescribable” by chris tomlin (cd “arriving”)
“knowing you” by stephen claybrook (as yet unrecorded)
“faithful” by kristian stanfill (cd “north point live: louder than creation”)
special music - with offering for haiti - “god of justice” by tim hughes (cd “holding nothing back”)

today was the beginning of a new series on parenting, called “hand me down.” i look forward to my first parenting series since becoming a parent…

we took up the haiti offering today. i’m praying that our community came in big!! we’re still collecting through this friday, so we won’t know a total until then….

my friend and production ministry pastor, don smith, sang the lead on “god of justice” and did a great job. don’s a great singer, but not too many people know it because he’s normally behind the scenes running the technical production. in fact, so far, he only ever agrees to sing when it’s on a song where there’s an engaging video that draws attention away from the singer. hmmmmmm…..now that i think about it, this is a great way to ensure that he creates an engaging video (did i also mention that he’s our main video producer/editor??). talented fella, that don!!

if i haven’t said it in awhile, i love my job!

well, technical difficulties appear to be worked out.
let me try this again….
hello? anyone still in here? hello?
i’ll be back with some exciting posts (okay, some marginally interesting posts) straight away….

i loved my wife before she was a mom, but now that i get to observe her pouring love into my daughter, there’s a whole new depth to my love for her. i think my capacity to love c.c. grew the day we became parents.

these are some of my favorite things…

::hearing the two of them downstairs talking and giggling with each other

::watching darby taking on c.c.’s mannerisms, like the way she puts her index finger to her mouth and her eyes wander upward when she’s thinking about something….”ummmm”

::seeing c.c. jump into action to comfort and take care of darby when she hurts herself or when she’s sick. there aren’t any classes for motherhood, but somehow c.c. always seems to know just what to do

::hearing c.c. sing her little made up songs to darby. my favorite is her adaptation of john lennon - “she’s my…beautiful, beautiful, beautiful….beautiful girl”

::laughter! my gosh, c.c. is laughing with/at darby ALL the time…i love that darby will grow up in a home full of laughter

::c.c. and darby occasionally surprise me at work by bringing chic-fil-a for a little family picnic.

::most of all, i love the way that c.c. loves darby unconditionally. just because. and she’s really good at communicating it. through her words, her great smile, her laughter, her songs, and her hugs

happy mother’s day, babe. i’m glad you’re my baby mama. i love you.

do you want to know what traveling with a two-year-old (TYO) is like?

it’s like staying in a $300 hotel room that your awesome wife wheeled and dealed via priceline for $99.
but having to turn lights out at 7:30pm and pretend to be asleep long enough for TYO to finish singing, babbling, giggling and fidgeting and fall asleep.
it’s like, once TYO is finally asleep, sneaking into the $300 (for $99, thanks babe!) hotel bathroom to sit on the floor across from your wife who’s sitting on the toilet (lid down) to have a conversation without waking up TYO.

here are my beautiful girls…

great moments in cinematic wisdom, part 4:

enjoy!

today in staff meeting, i had just finished asking for prayer for an upcoming road trip to see family. i was actually complaining about gas money, what to do with the dog, our cramped car, etc.

got interrupted by an iChat message from danny, the house dad at haitian children’s home. danny was asking for our staff to pray for the kids who were in the process of being rushed home from school in the midst of the growing rioting in haiti because of lack of food. they’ll likely be in lock-down status for the next few days.

i promptly withdrew my prayer request.

it’s amazing how wrapped up i can get in the little things, and forget to be mindful of how much i have and how little so many others have.

humbling.

yes, i’m in a bit of a blogging slump.

but this video was fun to do for our current message series at crosspointe. more to come in the series….

do you recognize R2-D2’s song?

sorry if you’ve been having trouble accessing the blog. i know many of you check it incessantly throughout the day. *smile* i have had the issues too. voxtropolis is working on it….

easter was good. good celebration at church. refreshing and different easter message by jBow. then the annual easter brunch at our friends’, the edmonds. we look forward to that every year.

but, i have to admit…

one of the most important things about easter for c.c. and i, now that we’re parents, is the easter dress. check out this cuteness!

when we were waiting to bring darby home, i remember dreaming about her and thinking how glad i was that c.c. would have a girl to shop for and dress up. like it would just be her thing. a couple of weeks ago while we were easter dress shopping, i was taken off guard by how into it i was. i had opinions about every dress. i had a blast holding dresses up to darby and standing behind her looking in the mirror.

b.e.a.u.t.i.f.u.l.

britney spears is an anagram for presbyterians.

(ht: dcb)

here are some of darby’s favorite things to say lately….

“butt pessst” (butt paste)

“jah meh” (john mayer}

“ah pow” (iPod)

“hootah fooo” (utah’s food)

dressing herself

the girl can EAT!

mimi

papa

my 2 sweethearts

it’s been too long.
i’m letting a part of me atrophy.
it’s not good.
i’ll even settle for a bad song.
i just NEED to write a song.

this was buried in another post, so let me ask again.

*who are you?
*why do you read this blog?
*what kind of content is the most helpful/enriching/intriguing to you?

help me help you.

i’d love to hear from as many readers as possible. come out of hiding!

with a two-year-old, a ten minute walk from the house down to the neighborhood pool and back can turn into a forty-minute adventure.

monday’s adventure:

* because of her low center of gravity, short legs and slow stride, darby notices a lot of things on the ground. her new favorite thing is dead pine needles. she wanted to stop and pick up every one she saw.

* turning around, she noticed our long shadows cast along the sidewalk behind us. she proceeded to wave her arm wildly and laugh.

* passing a pine tree, i explained to darby that the brown pine needles start out green and attached to the tree. from then on she wanted me to lift her up to every pine tree so she could pick a green pine needle. (the brown ones are so yesterday.)

* on the way back, i got darby’s attention so she could see me kick a pine cone ahead of us on the sidewalk. then that was the game for the next ten minutes. we would take turns kicking the pine cone. she definitely got into the taking turns part. after i would kick, she would run to the pine cone, laughing, and then say, “dahbee!”. i’d say, “yep, darby’s turn.” she’d kick it and then say, “daddy!”. “okay, daddy’s turn.” kick. running. laughter. rinse. repeat.

* when daddy accidently kicked the pine cone off the sidewalk and down the hill into a ditch where it was irretrievable, we decided to find a new game. (think quick, dad…)

* what do you know? we just happened to be back at the spot on the sidewalk where darby had asked me to leave her flower (read = dandelion) from the outbound trip. that was enough to hold her fascination the rest of the way back to the house.

i love the way that being a dad helps me to slow down and remember to have fun. it’s good to think like a kid again.

okay, this is a lesson that i need to learn…..

i’m still having trouble eating because of getting my wisdom teeth out last week. tonight, i just couldn’t take it anymore.

so after much deliberation as to what would be the perfect food to begin easing my way back to my former carnivorous state, i decided to take darby to taco bell. (c.c. - not so much a fan of the taco bell - had a party so she didn’t get a say in the matter). i had decided that a bean burrito was what the doctor ordered.

so, i ordered three bean burritos, one for me, one for darby, and another one just in case it wasn’t as difficult to eat as i was expecting.

it was a PAINFULLY slow process. i have to focus my chewing on my front teeth, which means really small bites. i noticed that darby was downing her burrito faster than me! the girl can chow down, no doubt, but that just shows you how slow i was.

but after a few minutes i just decided to go with the flow, slow down and enjoy the meal with my girl. we danced in our seats to the music. of course we practiced our drumming on the table. this has become a dinner ritual. we laughed at the funny chili pepper on the wall with a cowboy hat. “seeeeee” (silly).

so here’s the lesson: i’m an overeater.

out of habit for sure, but also just out of plain hurry.

now, i don’t want to be overdramatic, but this is big to me. besides the physical health aspect, i see a couple of implications of my discovery tonight:

* in our ongoing effort to be better financial stewards, c.c. and i have learned time and again that when we botch up our budget, it’s almost always because of going overboard on food. specifically, dining out. and by “dining,” i’m including mcdonald’s.

* i’m also on a personal quest to do battle with my overconsumption in general. i think i just realized a subtle way that i go with the flow in that arena. i think the process of keeping my eating/spending in check will help me stay aware of all the ways i’m tempted to consume more than i need.

even as my swelling goes down and i get back to my former eating “chops”, i’m going to really give it a good college try. to discipline myself to eat less, thereby spending less, and to slow down and enjoy my food and the sacred ritual of sharing of a meal with my family and friends.

(and if you’re keeping score, the third burrito was shared between the two of us. i’m telling you, the GIRL CAN EAT!!)

(this one’s for you, s.s.)

this…

plus 0:57 sec….

equals this….

this time tomorrow i will be less wise, and i will have 4 fewer teeth in my skull.

i’ll try to post a pic so you can see the swelling.

my poor wife, i am quite possibly the world’s worst sick person. seriously, i am a baby when it comes to physical pain and discomfort.

pray for her.

1:15 baby!

you?

parental rediscovery #1,057

when you’re a kid….

a dandelion isn’t a weed.

no, no, no!

a dandelion is a beautiful flower!

okay, i’m still a long way from the world records in speedcubing (yes, there’s a name for it.)

but i just set a personal best time record:

1 min 27 sec

how fast are you?

today was just an ordinary day. friday is a day off from work. a day with my family.

c.c. is sick today, so she spent most of the day in bed. this gave me and darby a chance to have what we like to call a “daddy-darby day”.

i’ve just put her to bed and i’m reflecting on our day. we had nothing planned, we just went with the flow. it was a very ordinary day, but this is the stuff that strengthens bonds between a dad and daughter.

i wanted to recount the events of the day, if for no other reason to remind myself in the future that just spending time with my daughter is so meaningful. i know it is for me. and i trust that when it’s all said and done, daddy-darby days will do more to make darby secure in her dad’s love than anything money can buy.

8:45 - up
9:00 - cuddling on couch drinking milk
9:15 - breakfast with momma
10:00 - playing with darby’s play kitchen
10:45 - trip to the grocery for cold medicine for momma
11:30 - walked to nearby park and ran around on soccer field
12:30 - lunch
1:00 - drumming on high chair tray (never too early to start teaching rhythm)
1:30 - naptime
3:30 - up, snacktime
4:00 - rough-housing, throwing darby on the couch, lots of laughter
5:00 - darby helped me unpack our new dishwasher, start to take out the old one*
6:00 - momma got up, darby and i went to pick up a pizza for dinner
6:30 - dinner, more drumming, more laughter
7:00 - darby helped me “solve” the rubik’s cube, played with momma on the couch
8:00 - pajamas, milk, bedtime story in the rocking chair
8:15 - goodnight

*as handy as i am, i couldn’t figure out how to get the old one out. this affected my confidence that i would know how to install the new one even if i ever did figure it out. my friend nate is coming over tomorrow to help a brother out.

“helping others, helps you. that’s the heart of volunteerism.”

really? that’s the heart?

i read this statement today on the website for a major US corporation. the website is publicity for the company’s involvement in various social/charitable programs.

is it so tough to motivate people to get involved in helping others, that you have to resort to this kind of sales tactic?

(ht: dale)

c.c. and i went on an honest-to-goodness date this past saturday night - dinner AND a movie. woo hoo! this doesn’t happen quite as often now that we’ve entered parenthood.

as we were sitting waiting for the previews to start, we ran through our favorite movies that we’ve seen at the theater in 2007.

here’s our list:

1. August Rush
2. wait….that’s the only one we saw this year…

anyway, “august rush” was a well made movie. the story was told in a very compelling way. the main characters developed well. they did a good job incorporating music into the story. and they also avoided a personal pet peeve of mine. they taught the actors how to fake it convincingly on their musical instruments - close enough that it wasn’t distracting.

c.c. and i both had a pretty emotional reaction to the film. it hit close to home with our daughter having been an abandoned child.

on one hand, it was a nice diamond in the rough story…the kid who beat all the odds. sadly, the reason that it’s such a fantastic story is that it’s so fantastic. it just doesn’t happen that way in the real world, and there are roughly 143 million kids in the world that can attest to that.

there was one line in particular in the film that still has me thinking….

august (the orphaned boy) finds his way to a catholic church where he spends some time at the shelter there and strikes up friendships with a young girl named hope and the reverend jay. when he goes missing again, hope is expressing her worry about august to reverend jay, who says to hope, “i prayed for him. did you?” she says that yes, she did pray.

then reverend jay says something to the effect of, “don’t you think that his Father (looking up) will do what’s best for him?”

wow. a double edged sword.

if yes, then what about all the other kids who don’t stumble upon an extraordinary musical gift that they can use to be reunited with their birthparents? seriously, throughout the entire movie i could not stop thinking about all the kids in the world that don’t have homes. everything went through that filter.

more personally….i believe that God planned for darby to be our daughter. we stumbled almost blindly into this plan. there’s no way we could ever take credit for it. but at the same time, it presents a problem for me. what about all the other kids that are not adopted? surely their Father will do what’s best for them as well.

it really boils down to the age-old question - if God is so good, then why all the evil in the world?

i don’t have rock solid, completely satisfactory answers, but i guess that’s what faith is all about. i do believe that God is working a plan of redemption in the world, but that it’s an ongoing project with gains and losses along the way. his project depends on people. we are waking up to this, but we’ve got a long way to go.

it pains me to know that there are kids who grow into adulthood without knowing what a family’s love is all about. i HAVE to believe that this not only is not part of God’s plan, but that it breaks his heart too.

what do you know? traveling with a small toddler and a large dog in a mid-size sedan is difficult!

*update*

we survived. here’s are a couple shots from the return trip…

::: i’m about to leave for lunch with my wife & daughter. we’re meeting up with several families in our China adoption travel group. we make every effort to take these opportunities that come up. we’re not as good at initiating, but…..

::: our .mac site is not publishing properly. i’ve spent a lot of hours on it and i’m very frustrated. our comments aren’t publishing. if you’re reading this and you’re a iWeb genious, please help a brother out….

::: lots of work-related things on my plate right now that are causing some stress, but i love what i do. it’s going to be worth it. we’re gearing up for our next “the approach” event. we’re repackaging advent and translating it to our church culture/community. also, trying to find some inspiration for christmas series and christmas eve services. the pressures on!!

::: jars of clay’s new christmas cd is GOOD.

::: going to hear rob bell speak tonight on his “the gods aren’t angry” tour. i’ve really been challenged and inspired by rob’s messages from his church via podcasting.

last week i turned 33 years young. the age jesus was when he died.

sometimes i’m more neal. other times i’m more del.

neal page = uptight, responsible, little patience for someone more “needy,” feels that the world is against him

del griffith = funloving, eccentric, masks his loss and loneliness behind humor, means well but can be draining

“those aren’t pillows!”

cc posted a blog on our family site with a video of darby running through all of her words. this is a fun time, watching her learn how to speak. she has such a cute voice, and the way she calls our dog “Uhhta” instead of “Utah” is priceless to me!

i love darby’s developing voice.

what i most looked forward to during our three-full-term-pregnacy-long wait for darby, was finding out what her voice would be like. sure - the tone, the inflections, the physical voice. but beyond that, her voice.

how will her voice develop?

what will capture her heart as she matures into a thinking person? what will be so important to her that she can’t help but speak it out in whatever sphere of influence she is given? what passions and values will be shaped in her?

it’s AWESOME to hear darby’s little voice as she works to master her first words. how much more gratifying will it be to hear her voice as it develops.

eventually, i’ll get back to some more serious postings….

i’ve had a brookstone gift certificate for more than two years now. at the two year mark i started losing $2.00 per month off of the card. finally, two weeks ago, c.c. convinced me to go in and spend it before i lost any more credit.

i bought an electronic sudoku game, which i used quite a bit on our vacation last week.

after that purchase, i still had a few dollars credit. i couldn’t get it back in cash (i asked). so i picked up the brookstone “silent snooz”. it’s this rubber nose-ring-looking contraption that is supposed to open up your airways and keep you from snoring.

the idea is simple. silent snooz will pinch your nose causing no small amount of discomfort. the discomfort will keep you awake. staying awake will prevent you from snoring.

why didn’t i think of this?

have you been simpsonized?

my family is enjoying some downtime with my folks in scott, ar. scott is just outside of little rock. my father is semi-retired, and is pastor of this church.

while i have plenty of downtime, i’m following in the footsteps of my friends, dale and george, and working towards getting one of these for “free” as a gift for my wife, using this site.

i’ll let you know if and when i’m successful and exactly how “free” it ends up being when it’s all said and done.

Generous Artist

…according to the personal dna test. i have to say it was a very interesting test. some of the questions are similar to other personality tests i’ve taken in the past. but the format was cool - sliders, plotting a point on two axis-es (axi?), etc.

read more about my profile here

take the test!

(HT: anne jackson)

just got back tonight from a week of helping to lead worship for a youth conference on the campus of liberty university in lynchburg, virginia.

i played keys in the house band supporting several gifted worship leaders - nathan, chris and kevin.

the band was formed last summer for the same event. a great group of guys. dale baker on drums, jamie mcfarlane on bass, george bonner on electric guitar, and new this year, david dollar on electric guitar.

it was a fun week with lots of music, lots of laughter, lots of bad camp food and late night hangs at ruby tuesdays or buffalo wild wings.

musical highlight: “jesus paid it all” led by nathan at one of the late night ministry times. incredibly high energy and heartfelt passion being poured out. it’s incredible when everything comes together, on stage and off, the whole room pouring hearts out to god.

best fictitional metal band name: “ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage…….TestosterTone!” (coined by dale on the ride home)

best inside joke: falwell university!

brian regan premiered a new standup comedy special on comedy central tonight. not his best work, i have to say, but i still love him. very funny. creative. every time i’ve seen him live he has lots of new material.

after watching the special tonight, i decided to look for some bootleg material on youtube. here’s what i found.

after a brief, awkward setup about synonyms - which in itself was funny because he made fun of himself - he delivered the following joke.

“if you were to second guess your decision to book some time to visit an indian community, that would be a reservation reservation reservation.”

brilliant, i tell you!

i think those are actually homonyms, but who’s counting?

c.c. and i had a long overdue date night last night. i would write more about it here, but she does such a good job on her blog, i thought i’d just link to her post.

i walked into parenthood looking forward to the milestone moments in the father-daughter relationship. thankfully, most of those happen a little later in life - i’m far from ready for the daddy-daughter dances and the prom and such.

but i’ve already been pleasantly surprised by the simpler things. how could i have foreseen the simple joys of fatherhood? this afternoon, for example, sharing grapes with my sweet little daughter. the whole grapes are still a bit too much food at one time, so with each grape i bite off half and then give her the rest.

it does good to my soul to feed my daughter. she’s an amazing gift, beyond anything i deserve. it’s a privilege to put food in her mouth, knowing that god has entrusted her into our care.

i’m very thankful.

LOST is back, baby!!

Season 3 Finale was awesome.

a bit saggy mid-season, but it’s back on!

What can I say? Good things come to those faithful viewers who remain through the slump.

Hurley and the VW bus!

Locke?!

Charlie will be missed.

Drowning must really suck.

If you were drowning, what would be the final message you’d write on your hand?

the future?! what was the mistake?

February 2008 is a long way away.

my wife and daughter and i are in chicago this week enjoying some needed r&r. we got an incredibly low fare through southwest’s “ding!” program ($25 each way), so we jumped on the opportunity to show darby our former stomping grounds and introduce her to some chicago friends.

this past saturday night we decided to attend the weekend service at our former church, Willow Creek Community Church, where both c.c. and i served on staff. one thing you learn about willow is that change is. i know that looks like a sentence fragment, but that’s what i meant. change is. i could also add some adjectives. change is constant, and change is quick. since we left there at the end of 2001, there have been numerous changes, 3 new pastors in senior leadership, several reorganizations, etc.

with almost 6 years worth of changes, i didn’t quite know what to expect walking into the service tonight. i thought i’d post a few thoughts and observations from our experience.

* servanthood - we remembered that they had built parent rooms into the design of the new auditorium, but couldn’t remember where they were. as we entered the auditorium we asked one of the ushers who was handing out programs. instead of just telling us where it was, he immediately took us there. this kind of service has been a part of the willow d.n.a. for years.

* steve myers rocks - i was glad to see my old buddy steve on the drums. he was a fellow music director of mine. through all the changes in the programming department there, steve has held down the fort.

* simpler format - i’m sure this changes from week to week, but at least this weekend the format was very simple - opening song (performed), welcome by lead pastor, gene appel, 2 participational songs, offering/announcements (lots of them), message by mike breaux, performed song, closing prayer

* compassion/justice emphasis - from the announcements, to several promo videos, to the message itself, it’s apparent that the leadership of willow is casting the vision for the church to reach out to the community and the world. quoting mike breaux, willow’s strategy will be “go and be” instead of “come and see”.

after the service, we sought out steve to say hi and also ran into several other former fellow staffers. it was fun to introduce darby to them and to catch up for a little bit. it was also nice to realize that aside from the people, there aren’t many things about willow that i still miss. i’m glad that God moved me on, and as i said in a recent post, i’m really excited about crosspointe and the team i’m a part of.

I gotta say that I never knew that being a dad would be so awesome! Darby has brought more joy to my life than I ever imagined. What a blessing from God. I find myself surprised by moments of spontaneous worship that just spring up when I think about how much God has blessed C.C. and me.

I’ve found it really difficult to fully engage back into life. All I want to do is play with Darby and experience life through her eyes. I’m just starting to pick back up with some of the dreams and things I was thinking through and working on before we left for China. I’m slowly starting to get my “want to” back. I just know that life will never be the same - and i couldn’t be happier.

….as I mentioned in my last post, my wife and I are in Guangzhou, China finalizing the adoption of our first daughter.

Yesterday, after an adoption-related appointment, we were walking along on the streets of Shamian Island just relaxing and shopping when I made eye contact with a guy passing by. I knew I recognized him from somewhere. Just as he passed it hit me, and I called to him, “Hi, Jim.” It was Jim Caveziel, who played Jesus in The Passion of the Christ!

We wanted to be considerate of his time and personal space, so I just wanted to say thanks for taking the role in The Passion and leave it at that. But he stopped and asked us and the two other couples we were with all about our adoption. Turns out he and his wife were there to adopt their second child from China! He was one of the most genuine and down-to-earth celebrities I’ve ever spoken with. He ended up talking with us for 10 to 15 minutes. Very cool.

My wife, C.C. and I are having the time of our lives in China getting to know Darby - our little gift from God. We’re in Guangzhou, in the southern Chinese province of Guangdong. We’re living in a hotel apartment here for 9 more days before bringing Darby home to North Carolina forever!

We can’t begin to describe how full and blessed we feel. God is so good!

If you’d like to follow along with our progress, check out our family blog site:

More of Darby

Well after a couple more delays, which we’re used to by now, we’re set to leave for China next Thursday, February 1st. We can’t wait to bring Darby home!!

For anyone who wants to follow our progress, we’ll be updating the blog at our family site throughout the trip.

After such a long wait, we finally received our referral for our new baby daughter. Meet Darby Dean Yuan Claybrook. We hope to be able to travel to China in late January to bring her home forever!

i’ve been challenged recently in my beliefs on the nature and scope of salvation. this has been sparked by conversations with fellow christians and seeking friends, as well as through thought-provoking books and messages - most notably Rob Bell and Brian McLaren. this seems to be a popular subject in christian circles currently.

i had somewhat of a breakthrough moment the other day when i played out a fictitional scenario where i was asked the question, “What is the point of your salvation?” I imagined one of my spiritually-seeking friends asking me this question in an attempt to figure out what i perceived as being the difference between her and me. Until recently, my answer would have centered on being Jesus saving me from the penalty of my sin, so that I can go to heaven when I die. But, now I’m beginning to see salvation from a broader perspective.

If the point of faith is only about my soul’s destiny once I die, it’s all too easy to fall into a coma, or worse, despair, in this life. I’m being taken back through what Jesus’ actual gospel (”good news”) was all about - the Kingdom of God. He announced the coming of the Kingdom now. Sure, God’s kingdom won’t fully take hold until Christ’s return, but we’re empowered to begin living the life of the Kingdom now. He’s left us his Spirit to live in us and give us strength to live this kind of life. Eternity isn’t only future, it has already begun.

So, the answer to the fictitional question is still a work in progress, but my best go at it right now is this: Jesus is saving me from a pointless life, restoring me to be the person i was created to be, and inviting me to join him in his larger project of restoring the world.

I need a sign to let me know you’re here
All of these lines are being crossed over the atmosphere
I need to know that things are gonna look up
‘Cause I feel us drowning in a sea spilled from a cup

When there is no place safe and no safe place to put my head
When you feel the world shake from the words that are said

I’m calling all angels
I’m calling all you angels

I won’t give up if you dont give up

I need a sign to let me know you’re here
‘Cause my TV set just keeps it all from being clear
I want a reason for the way things have to be
I need a hand to help build up some kind of hope inside of me

I’m calling all angels
I’m calling all you angels

When children have to play inside so they don’t disappear
And private eyes solve marriage lies cause we don’t talk for years
And football teams are kissing queens
and losing sight of having dreams
In a world where what we want is only what we want until it’s ours

I won’t give up if you don’t give up

–Train

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I was reminded yesterday of this song from a few years back. It crosses boundaries of Christian and non-Christian. We all know that the world is not quite right. As we look around there are many reasons to lose hope - we all need help to hold onto the hope that we have.

Country + Rap = Crap

It’s on a t-shirt from Hot Topic, so it must be true, right?

Anyway, here are a few of my own extrapolations:

1. Country does not necessarily equal crap.
2. Rap does not necessarily equal crap.
3. Country combined with Rap empirically equals crap.

Points 1 and 2 are both debatable. Point 3 has been proven. See Exhibit A.

Amen.

confession time….try as i might, i cannot live up to my best self. i have good days and bad days, but even the best days leave me with a nagging feeling in my gut as i put my head on the pillow at night. i was made for more. as hard as i try to kick myself in the butt to try harder, reach for more, etc. it can feel like a pointless pursuit.

here’s the cool, simple truth though. i believe it. it has that to-good-to-be-true-ness to it, but it still resonates in me as true and good. the truth is this: even though i have my ups and downs as far as how i feel about myself, god never does. he loves me - steady and strong. my performance doesn’t even enter into the equation. it’s given to me as a gift, made possible by the life, death and resurrection of christ.

chew on this….

“gifted response”
by matt redman

this is a gifted response
father, we cannot come to you by our own merit
we will come in the name of your son
as he glorifies you
and in the power of your spirit

we have come to something so mysterious
too deep for minds to comprehend
through the open door where the angels sing
and the host of heaven are antheming

and we’ll sing the glory of your name
celebrate the glories of your grace
we will worship you
we will worship you

and we’ll make your praise so glorious
singing songs of everlasting praise
we will worship you
we will worship you

Today in the midst of my surfing (is that still a valid term?) I saw “a good life” defined very simply by Linford of OtR. I agree very much. You can add all kinds of qualifiers to it depending on what it is that you “believe”, but it holds true….

A good life: Believe in what you do, and do it.

What do you think?

wouldn’t you believe i forgot to take a camera with me. i’m hoping to get some pictures from the other guys. meanwhile, here’s a picture of me on stage with nate and the guys at war cry at liberty university in lynchburg, va.  this is from a series of great shots taken by kendrick.  here you can see the whole set.

I had a great time. The trip was extremely fulfilling for me as a musician. Nathan, Dale, Jamie and George are all very talented guys. It was an honor to play music with them. I hope that we get more opportunities to play together soon. Besides the music we had lots of laughs, some great conversations, and some good down time as well. Plenty of time spent at St. Arbucks as I heard it called.

People are good. Music is good. God is good.

I leave on June 6 for 10 days to play several dates with Nate Fancher and band. We’ll be playing in KY at Asbury Seminary and in VA at Liberty University for a youth rally event called “War Cry”.

We’ve had a couple of rehearsals with the band, mostly hashing out arrangements for Nate’s newest original stuff. I’m really enjoying the direction of the music. Quite Sting-like - with some disco-ish, pseudo-reggae beats from Dale and Jamie, who make up the rhythm section. Modern guitar tones and effects from George, the wonderkid. I’m playing keys - mostly ethereal pads and vintage wurly and hammond - but so far I’ve been able to add in some weirdness, like marimba and some analog synth leads. Pretty eclectic so far, really.

I love creating good music with good people!

I wonder — what is the etymology of the word klutz? That’s why it takes so long to write a blog post sometimes…

Anyhoo….I thought I’d share an embarrassing moment that unfortunately no one saw - although, I’m sure I heard God chuckling.

My wife’s friend, Adrianne, brought CC a nice, big planter filled with spring annuals. We were out of town last week, so CC had to miss a garden party that Adrianne hosted on Saturday. Don’t ask me exactly what a garden party is, except that each person came home with one of these planters. It was a beautiful gift, and a thoughtful gesture of friendship.

So we put the planter out on our front porch just outside the door. Last night, as I run out the door with my dog, Utah, as I’ve done a million times — (and, as always, without ever turning on the porch light) — WHACK! “My shin!” Crash! Leap! “What the. . .?” So I turn on the porch light to find the pottery shattered, potting soil everywhere, and these poor innocent annuals laid out like pulled weeds.

Through my uprorious laughter, I try to get the story out to my beautiful bride who is not as amused. I assured her that had she seen it, she would probably be laughing with me, but I’m not sure I convinced her.

So, I did what every husband would do…. clean up the mess and tell her we’ll buy some more flowers next week….. just kidding. Did you know that you can go to Super Target at 9:45pm and find a planter (unbreakable this time, of course,) a CD from your wife’s favorite new artist, and a box of Milk Duds and be home by 10:05?

“The Lord is all that, I need for nothing. He allows me to chill. He keeps me from being heated and allows me to breathe easy. He guides my life so that I can represent and give shouts out in His Name.

And even though I walk through the ‘hood of death, I don’t back down for you have my back. The fact that He has me covered allows me to chill. He provides me with back-up in front of my player-haters and I know that I am a baller and life will be phat.

I fall back in the Lord’s crib for the rest of my life.”

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This is a rephrasing of the 23rd Psalm from the “HipHopEMass”. Trinity Episcopal Church in Bronx, NY has translated the liturgy into hip-hop vernacular for weekly HipHopEMass Celebrations.

Very interesting…..

See my friend Dale’s blog for his comments after attending a local event sponsored by his church.

I’ve always been a proponent of “translating” the truth into language that speaks to the culture here and now, but I have to admit, I laughed out loud when I read this because my first thought was “this is ridiculous!” That made me start wondering what was behind my contempt. Am I becoming the person who cries foul when the drum set slides its way onto the platform? The one who is okay with guitar in worship as long as it’s an acoustic guitar and not - God forbid - an ELECTRIC guitar. I wondered where you draw the line. Then I wondered, should there be a line? When does a translation no longer say what was intended? How would we know when that happened?

I’m going to stop or else my head’s going to explode. Okay, your turn. What do you think?

had a great conversation with my wife, c.c., yesterday….. let me pause here and tell you how much i love my wife. god created something good when he thought up marriage…….

anyway….we talked about our insecurities. basically, for her they show up most often in her interpersonal relationships - the basic question is “do i matter?”. my insecurities show up most in my work - the basic question is “do i have what it takes?”.

i wonder if this goes all the way back to genesis 3 and the curse. for the woman, the curse meant trouble in relationships. “your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.” for the man, the curse meant trouble at work. “cursed is the ground because of you….painful toil…….sweat of your brow……”

Thoughts?

I’ve been more in reading mode than writing mode lately. here’s a very interesting and thought-provoking piece by Brian McLaren. It’s called “An Open Letter to Worship Songwriters”.

What do you think?

here’s a question that’s on my mind tonight. i’d love to hear your thoughts on why you choose the way you do.

which is better?

(1.) a friend who always cheers you on, sometimes to the point of either ignoring or minimizing your limitations, or
(2.) a friend who offers encouragement, but tempers it with a “realistic” assesment of your limitations.

just got off the phone with my good friend, paul. besides being a great hang - he’s one of the funniest people i know - paul is a very genuine person. paul is a fellow musician. we used to serve on staff together in the music department at our former church. even though we now live in different states, we still keep in regular contact. he is one of my biggest supporters. paul has the gift of encouragement. i hope that i provide half the encouragement to him as i receive.

we all need people who believe in us. people who have confidence that we can acheive our dreams. confidence in us and sometimes confidence for us. the world is full of naysayers, am i right? i’m painfully aware of my own shortcomings and the apparent limits of my talent and giftedness. a lot of times, paul doesn’t seem to be aware of those limits in me. sometimes after taking a beating with paul’s encouragement club, i hang up the phone actually believing that i can acheive more. because i know, love and respect paul, i tend to respect what he says about me.

what do you think?

A friend recently turned me on to the music of singer-songwriter, Imogen Heap. A standout track from her latest CD is called “Hide and Seek”. This track has been in several movies and TV. Besides an absolutely beautiful melody, what stands out immediately about the track is the lush “a capella” vocal arrangement.

After seeing her perform this song on one of the late shows (I can’t remember which one….maybe it was Late Call Tonight with Conan David Kimmel), I noticed that she was using a midi keyboard and some sort of outboard device to create the vocal “harmonies”. In reality it was her voice multiplied and pitchshifted in real-time. Very cool.

I got curious as to exactly how she created this track. So, I googled it. (On a side note: how funny is it that google is now a common verb?) Anyway, if you’re curious about this kind of stuff like I am, here’s a link to an interview with Imogen Heap on DragonFire. Enjoy!

We have a new tradition which my wife and I really look forward to. Every Tuesday several of our neighbor friends come over to watch American Idol. We’re addicted. Too far gone. We Tivo it and then start it late to miss the commercial breaks…

Anyway, Reality TV Magazine has reported possible evidence that American Idol is staged. Has the order that the contestants will be “voted” off already been decided? Read the scoop…..right…..HERE.

What do you think?

Okay, here’s a confession that’s perhaps easier to make in the blogosphere than in real life…I rarely get excited about reading the bible. There are plenty of times that I’m drawn to this or that new spiritual book because I might gain some new bit of insight or be moved or compelled in some way. Why don’t I have the same anticipation about reading the scriptures? What am I missing?

Does anyone else have this problem? If so, what are some ways to cultivate a bigger appetite for the bible?

Have you ever noticed that, in the movies, a microphone always produces feedback when the person talking is nervous?

What are the little things, often overlooked, that really do bring moments of great joy and make life a little better?

For me the other day it was opening up our pantry door to find a new unopened bag of Lay’s Kettle Cooked Jalapeno Potato Chips. In the brief moment of sheer joy, I realized several things:

1. God loves me. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t have created man with the required creativity to come up with the idea of the potato chip. The real creativity was when someone improved on that idea by combining the potato chip with delicious jalapeno peppers! (Actually, the potato chip was born out of spite. Here’s the scoop.)

2. My wife loves me. CC didn’t have to buy me any potato chips, much less Jalapeno chips! And I know they’re for me because she prefers salt and vinegar (also good chips).

3. I often miss the little joys that when fully appreciated and added together help me enjoy my life and therefore make me more fun to be around.

So, what about you? What was the little thing that brought you joy today?