family

…is WALKING!! (behind a walker-thing)

while this is big news for any parent, it’s especially rocking our world because:

::he was born with spina bifida
::we’ve never seen him, and don’t have access to regular updates on his progress
::his referral information was contradictory - one page looked as though he was completely fine, while the supporting documents indicated developmental delays
::it is somewhat rare that we were able to get more information from his orphanage

c.c. and i shared some beautiful moments of joy and tears together as we read the update. here’s her take on it.

we are overjoyed, grateful and humbled. we attribute this to God’s grace. we were completely prepared to raise a son with motor developmental delays - and would have been honored to do so. we’re praising God for this news. ready to face whatever challenges come along for our family, because we know that God’s grace is with us - before us and behind us.

so, 31 days into this journey, and here’s what we know….

:: henry is 31 days older and we still don’t have him home with us.
:: we love him more and more every day and we still haven’t officially met him.
:: my moustache connects with my beard much better on the right side than it does on the left.
:: henrypalooza is going to be awesome - my friends are blowing my doors off - i’ve heard rumors of some pretty major potential sponsors in the works….
:: (by the way, several people have asked how to get involved. one of the big things we’ll need is lots of volunteer help at the two events - sept 27 and oct 4. to put your name in the hat, you can email kris stoner at kstoner@crosspointe.org)
:: several “non special needs” referrals have been issued for other children in the gansu province, where henry is from. this could or could not mean that we get expedited by our agency to travel with that travel group. unfortunately, it’s not completely up to our agency anyway…
:: responses to my hair growth have been all over the map. one person says i look shady. another says it fits - that my appearance essentially hasn’t changed. c.c. says she’ll tolerate the beard if it means i’ll keep the hair. i was told i look like a wise sage. definitely several votes for “older”…..
:: have you ever had the experience where you get a new (or used) car and suddenly you start noticing the same model all over the road? well, i was at the wilco concert last weekend, and dang if there weren’t dudes all over the place rocking the beard!
:: it’s incredible how you can be dizzyingly busy, and yet feel as though your life is on hold until your son is home.

to see the reason behind the wooliness, click here.

dates for henrypalooza events have been set.

sept 27 will be a family fun carnival type event with music, games, food, facepainting, and some items for raffle.

oct. 4 will be a concert featuring mindy smith and chris rosser.

look for more details soon….

it started when we landed in beijing last february to meet and bring home our daughter.
first and foremost, this is the country and culture that produced the precious little girl that has changed my life forever.
it is a fascinating place.
america has a 200 year old history and i barely know much about it.
china’s history spans CENTURIES. a fully modern human skull has been (controversially) dated at 65,000 years old.
our trip to china, even aside from the fact that we became parents there, was by far the best two week excursion we’ve ever been on.

the changes in the last 30 years in china are mind blowing.
as china is increasingly opening its doors to the outside world, china is now exploding in all directions.
there are obviously positives and negatives that come along with such rapid “advancement.”
there is a widening gap between the rich and the poor.
as many as 500,000,000 people in china still live on $2 per day.

china is working hard to gain acceptance on the world stage.
case in point, the hosting of the olympics.

DID YOU SEE THE OPENING CEREMONIES?!!

simply incredible.
so much for the popular notion that the chinese lack in creativity.

c.c. said it well. we’re very proud that our daughter is chinese.
and of course we’re looking forward to adding a chinese son to our family soon.

i’m not really going anywhere with this post, but just wanted to say that i love china.

day 17 of hair and beard growth until we leave for China to bring Henry home!
(to see the journey from the beginning, click on the “let’s hair it for henry” category link to the left.)

is anyone else curious about what that gigantic zit that’s brewing on my cheek will look like in 7 more days? i knew things would get ugly on this journey - i just didn’t realize the full extent….

i hope to have a substantial “henrypalooza” update next monday!

so, i’ve decided that i’m neither shaving hair nor beard until the day we leave for china to bring our son home.
i guess it’s my way of keeping vigil for my boy.
our best guess is that we could travel in the oct/nov range. so that’s 90 days or more.
unfortunately, since i’m somewhat follicly-challenged, i’m afraid that i might end up rockin’ the michael bolton bald-on-top-mullet before it’s over.

fair warning: things are about to get ugly.
every monday, for as long as it takes, i’ll post a pic showing my progress.

if nothing else, maybe it will garner some extra prayer on our behalf - “Dear GOD, please get that boy home so that we don’t have to look at that mess another day!!”

p.s. if anyone else is looking for an excuse to let themselves go, you’re welcome to join in the vigil. come on - let’s hair it for henry!!

here’s the big announcement….

we have a son!

Henry Stephen FuLi Claybrook

henry is in china waiting for us to come pick him up and bring him home. c.c. and i are elated. darby is excited about having a brother. couldn’t have scripted a better life.

unfortunately, we can’t post pictures on the internet until the next stage of paperwork is completed, but if you get us in person and twist our arm….okay, if you get us in person and accidently mention anything that could possibly be misconstrued as a request to see a picture…..okay, if you even say anything that remotely rhymes with “picture”….

some of my friends are getting together to plan Henrypalooza - “A day of family fun with food, games and great music. This event will highlight the life-changing beauty of international adoption, providing information on how you can get involved and support the many adoptive families in our area. Proceeds from the event will go toward uniting a little boy from China named Henry, with his mom and dad right here in Raleigh.”

until we can post a picture of henry, here’s is a pic of darby and kylie - one of darby’s “china sisters” - sporting their “waiting for my brother in china” t-shirts.

more to come for sure.

to share some great news, but i can’t go quite this public just yet!

the other day my daughter used the word “actually” correctly in a sentence.
just over a year ago she had never heard the english language.
amazing.

13 years…

a year longer than my pre-college school years.
a year longer than today’s average 6th grader has been alive.

i feel old.
although, i was only 20 when we got married.
c.c. definitely robbed the cradle.
i had an illegal glass of champagne on our honeymoon night at this hotel.

our anniversary fell on memorial day this year, so i decided to make the previous friday an all day anniversary date. i got the idea from my friend, rick. he definitely out did me on his anniversary date last month, but i gave it a good college try.

first we got up and had a leisurely pancake breakfast. this has become a tradition in our house. darby already associates fridays with daddy’s pancakes.

then, we took darby to our good friend, ava’s house. darby loves playing with ms. ava and baby hayden. thanks ava!

i surprised c.c. with a couple’s massage. she had had a massage before, but this was my first ever. it was the fastest hour i remember in a long time. most definitely the best time i’ve ever had with another grown man rubbing on my body.

after the massage, we had a late lunch at cheesecake factory, one of c.c.’s favorite places to eat. we love the avocado egg rolls. c.c. got her usual, the madeira chicken. i decided to forego my usual, the spicy cashew chicken, and branched out to try the jambalaya pasta. it was good, but can’t touch the cashew chicken….

at lunch, i sprung the big surprise gift on c.c. i gave her a choice. we could either go to a movie……..OR…….pick out a new kitten!

c.c. had been waging a powerful and relentless kitty campaign for several weeks. i wasn’t budging. at least she didn’t think so. she even played dirty by bringing darby into the action. “darby, don’t you want a baby kitty?” shameless. i had decided pretty quickly that we were going to get the kitty, but i wanted to drag it out a little. i figured it would be a good anniversary gift.

after lunch, we picked darby up from ava’s and took her with us to go pick out a kitty.

it was a great day. i love spending time with my wife. she’s my best friend. we’ve definitely had some really rough spots, and i’d be lying if i said i wouldn’t do some things differently if i had the chance. but i can also say that my love for c.c. is deeper and richer than it ever has been. it’s like fine wine - better with age. i’m having a blast!!

this is the stuff that life is made of…

lots of happenings to report on during my forced blogging hiatus.
help me prioritize by telling me which you want more detail on….

::darby reads to daddy
::13th wedding anniversary recap (subtitle: feeling old)
::new kitten who pooped in my pants
::latest song/band challenging my brain
::surprising song coming up this sunday in honor of father’s day
::back on the bike
::recent challenging reads
::mentoring fellow and upcoming worship leaders
::thoughts on the creative process (alternate title: win some, lose some)

i loved my wife before she was a mom, but now that i get to observe her pouring love into my daughter, there’s a whole new depth to my love for her. i think my capacity to love c.c. grew the day we became parents.

these are some of my favorite things…

::hearing the two of them downstairs talking and giggling with each other

::watching darby taking on c.c.’s mannerisms, like the way she puts her index finger to her mouth and her eyes wander upward when she’s thinking about something….”ummmm”

::seeing c.c. jump into action to comfort and take care of darby when she hurts herself or when she’s sick. there aren’t any classes for motherhood, but somehow c.c. always seems to know just what to do

::hearing c.c. sing her little made up songs to darby. my favorite is her adaptation of john lennon - “she’s my…beautiful, beautiful, beautiful….beautiful girl”

::laughter! my gosh, c.c. is laughing with/at darby ALL the time…i love that darby will grow up in a home full of laughter

::c.c. and darby occasionally surprise me at work by bringing chic-fil-a for a little family picnic.

::most of all, i love the way that c.c. loves darby unconditionally. just because. and she’s really good at communicating it. through her words, her great smile, her laughter, her songs, and her hugs

happy mother’s day, babe. i’m glad you’re my baby mama. i love you.

darby’s obsession with john mayer continues.

i keep saying that it’s impossible for me to love this little person any more, and then i do.

do you want to know what traveling with a two-year-old (TYO) is like?

it’s like staying in a $300 hotel room that your awesome wife wheeled and dealed via priceline for $99.
but having to turn lights out at 7:30pm and pretend to be asleep long enough for TYO to finish singing, babbling, giggling and fidgeting and fall asleep.
it’s like, once TYO is finally asleep, sneaking into the $300 (for $99, thanks babe!) hotel bathroom to sit on the floor across from your wife who’s sitting on the toilet (lid down) to have a conversation without waking up TYO.

here are my beautiful girls…

today in staff meeting, i had just finished asking for prayer for an upcoming road trip to see family. i was actually complaining about gas money, what to do with the dog, our cramped car, etc.

got interrupted by an iChat message from danny, the house dad at haitian children’s home. danny was asking for our staff to pray for the kids who were in the process of being rushed home from school in the midst of the growing rioting in haiti because of lack of food. they’ll likely be in lock-down status for the next few days.

i promptly withdrew my prayer request.

it’s amazing how wrapped up i can get in the little things, and forget to be mindful of how much i have and how little so many others have.

humbling.

sorry if you’ve been having trouble accessing the blog. i know many of you check it incessantly throughout the day. *smile* i have had the issues too. voxtropolis is working on it….

easter was good. good celebration at church. refreshing and different easter message by jBow. then the annual easter brunch at our friends’, the edmonds. we look forward to that every year.

but, i have to admit…

one of the most important things about easter for c.c. and i, now that we’re parents, is the easter dress. check out this cuteness!

when we were waiting to bring darby home, i remember dreaming about her and thinking how glad i was that c.c. would have a girl to shop for and dress up. like it would just be her thing. a couple of weeks ago while we were easter dress shopping, i was taken off guard by how into it i was. i had opinions about every dress. i had a blast holding dresses up to darby and standing behind her looking in the mirror.

b.e.a.u.t.i.f.u.l.

here are some of darby’s favorite things to say lately….

“butt pessst” (butt paste)

“jah meh” (john mayer}

“ah pow” (iPod)

“hootah fooo” (utah’s food)

dressing herself

the girl can EAT!

mimi

papa

my 2 sweethearts

we took darby to the NC Zoo on thursday. mimi and papa were in town. we had a great time. here’s a little video of darby and papa dancing like the elephant.

my lovely wife came out with a great one yesterday, speaking about our daughter….

“i adore this person for no reason and for every little detail of who she is all at the same time.”
–c.c. claybrook

read the full post and see more pictures.

we have a couple of years yet, but we’re starting the schooling discussions in earnest around our house.

we’ve always had an aversion to the idea of homeschooling, i think a lot because of the stereotypes, but honestly also because we’ve experienced that some of the stereotypes are true. not always, of course.

north carolina is the first place we’ve lived where a lot of our friends have chosen homeschooling.

feel free to tell me about your decisions and experiences. i’d love to hear it.

regardless, i laughed A LOT watching this video.

with a two-year-old, a ten minute walk from the house down to the neighborhood pool and back can turn into a forty-minute adventure.

monday’s adventure:

* because of her low center of gravity, short legs and slow stride, darby notices a lot of things on the ground. her new favorite thing is dead pine needles. she wanted to stop and pick up every one she saw.

* turning around, she noticed our long shadows cast along the sidewalk behind us. she proceeded to wave her arm wildly and laugh.

* passing a pine tree, i explained to darby that the brown pine needles start out green and attached to the tree. from then on she wanted me to lift her up to every pine tree so she could pick a green pine needle. (the brown ones are so yesterday.)

* on the way back, i got darby’s attention so she could see me kick a pine cone ahead of us on the sidewalk. then that was the game for the next ten minutes. we would take turns kicking the pine cone. she definitely got into the taking turns part. after i would kick, she would run to the pine cone, laughing, and then say, “dahbee!”. i’d say, “yep, darby’s turn.” she’d kick it and then say, “daddy!”. “okay, daddy’s turn.” kick. running. laughter. rinse. repeat.

* when daddy accidently kicked the pine cone off the sidewalk and down the hill into a ditch where it was irretrievable, we decided to find a new game. (think quick, dad…)

* what do you know? we just happened to be back at the spot on the sidewalk where darby had asked me to leave her flower (read = dandelion) from the outbound trip. that was enough to hold her fascination the rest of the way back to the house.

i love the way that being a dad helps me to slow down and remember to have fun. it’s good to think like a kid again.

okay, this is a lesson that i need to learn…..

i’m still having trouble eating because of getting my wisdom teeth out last week. tonight, i just couldn’t take it anymore.

so after much deliberation as to what would be the perfect food to begin easing my way back to my former carnivorous state, i decided to take darby to taco bell. (c.c. - not so much a fan of the taco bell - had a party so she didn’t get a say in the matter). i had decided that a bean burrito was what the doctor ordered.

so, i ordered three bean burritos, one for me, one for darby, and another one just in case it wasn’t as difficult to eat as i was expecting.

it was a PAINFULLY slow process. i have to focus my chewing on my front teeth, which means really small bites. i noticed that darby was downing her burrito faster than me! the girl can chow down, no doubt, but that just shows you how slow i was.

but after a few minutes i just decided to go with the flow, slow down and enjoy the meal with my girl. we danced in our seats to the music. of course we practiced our drumming on the table. this has become a dinner ritual. we laughed at the funny chili pepper on the wall with a cowboy hat. “seeeeee” (silly).

so here’s the lesson: i’m an overeater.

out of habit for sure, but also just out of plain hurry.

now, i don’t want to be overdramatic, but this is big to me. besides the physical health aspect, i see a couple of implications of my discovery tonight:

* in our ongoing effort to be better financial stewards, c.c. and i have learned time and again that when we botch up our budget, it’s almost always because of going overboard on food. specifically, dining out. and by “dining,” i’m including mcdonald’s.

* i’m also on a personal quest to do battle with my overconsumption in general. i think i just realized a subtle way that i go with the flow in that arena. i think the process of keeping my eating/spending in check will help me stay aware of all the ways i’m tempted to consume more than i need.

even as my swelling goes down and i get back to my former eating “chops”, i’m going to really give it a good college try. to discipline myself to eat less, thereby spending less, and to slow down and enjoy my food and the sacred ritual of sharing of a meal with my family and friends.

(and if you’re keeping score, the third burrito was shared between the two of us. i’m telling you, the GIRL CAN EAT!!)

besides making several bad decisions as a result of losing all four wisdom teeth at once, i’m not doing too bad. the swelling isn’t as bad as i was prepared for.

c.c.’s an angel. she’s taking really good care of me.

darby is missing her daddy. she comes to visit every time she manages to sneak away from mom downstairs.

also, let me take this opportunity to give a shout out to percocet.

this time tomorrow i will be less wise, and i will have 4 fewer teeth in my skull.

i’ll try to post a pic so you can see the swelling.

my poor wife, i am quite possibly the world’s worst sick person. seriously, i am a baby when it comes to physical pain and discomfort.

pray for her.

today marks one year as a dad.
one year since God dropped one of his best blessings ever on us in the form of a precious little creature!
i’ll let the-best-wife-and-mom-in-the-world tell you more about it….

married with no children

overwhelming joy for us, deep confusion and grief for her

there aren’t adequate words

chinese new year is february 7. 2008 is the year of the rat, in case you were wondering.

this past saturday was the annual celebration put on in raleigh by the triangle area chinese american society. we got to celebrate with one of darby’s china “sisters,” kylie, and her mom and dad. more pictures and info at C.C.’s blog.

we had a great time watching performances of several different chinese art forms, including the lion dance, the dragon dance and chinese opera. we also sampled some chinese foods: dragon whiskers candy, lo mein noodle dish, lamb gyros and cheese fries (yeah, i was confused too!).

our girls are a still bit too young to get the full benefit, but i look forward to exposing darby to these types of events as she gets older so that she’ll be able to maintain a connection with her heritage.

on a somewhat disappointing note, we learned that although our new friend Lin IS from Lianjiang, China, he IS NOT from the same province. apparently there is more than one Lianjiang City in China. darby is from Lianjiang, Guangdong Province. Lin is from Lianjiang, Fujian Province. bummer.

pilfering through the pantry, as she is prone to do, darby discovered two tubes of cookie sprinkles. because she is a kid, and all kids are artistic and free, the cookie sprinkles apparently inspired darby to dance and sing.

check out my cute kid…..

well, i don’t think i’ve made it public yet, via the blog anyway….

we’re well underway with the process of adopting our second child from china.

today was our first of three home study visits. it was really a piece of cake. i think the fact that we’ve adopted before helped. our social worker observed us with darby, checked out our house, helped us go through some necessary paperwork, asked some questions about our parenting style, views on discipline, plan for communicating with darby and child #2 about adoption, etc. she’ll use all this information to write up a 15-or-so-page report about us that the CCAA will use to match us with a waiting child.

i promise i’m not bitter about it because i understand the need. but it’s odd to me that potential adoptive parents have to go through a fairly rigorous process to be deemed fit to be parents, whereas any two drunk idiots can jump in the sack and become parents with no scrutiny whatsoever. (did that sound bitter?)

anyway, with the wait times for chinese adoption referrals continuing to get longer and longer, we’re fully expecting it to be 2010 or 2011 before we bring child number 2 home. that’s a crazy long gestation period!

but, all i have to do is look into these beautiful eyes to remember again how well worth-it the wait is.

parental rediscovery #1,057

when you’re a kid….

a dandelion isn’t a weed.

no, no, no!

a dandelion is a beautiful flower!

as i mentioned before, my wife is amazing.

c.c. is one of those people that, a few minutes after first meeting her, you feel like you’ve known forever. she doesn’t even realize that she’s doing it, but she makes just about everyone feel comfortable in just about any situation you put her in.

c.c. has the natural gift of active and empathetic listening. when you talk to c.c., you feel heard and understood.

c.c. is a friggin’ firecracker! she knows what she believes and loves to engage in conversation about it. it frustrates her that i don’t have an opinion about some issues. over time, we are each learning from each other. i’m starting to have more opinions about things (say…..politics), and she is starting to see the world a bit more gray. we’re meeting in the middle, and it’s beautiful.

speaking of beauty, c.c. is strikingly beautiful. besides the infamous brown jeans, c.c.’s beautiful green eyes and warm smile were the first things that attracted me to her over 15 years ago. (15….wow!!)

c.c. is an incredibly supportive wife. she has pulled up roots and moved across the country twice in order to support me and the latest inkling of God’s leading in my life/ministry/career. she has sacrificed, among other things, the blessing of living in close proximity to her mom and dad (who died in 2003) - a sacrifice which is felt more and more as time goes on.

my latest discovery is that c.c. is an awesome mom. it’s hard to describe the new depth of love i feel for her as i watch her love our daughter. she always seems to know what to do, even when she doesn’t feel like she does.

c.c. balances her many roles like a champ. she has her priorities straight. and when having to choose to cheat (like everyone has to do), she never chooses to cheat her husband or daughter. when faced with too many things to do, she consistently chooses the relational.

every once in awhile, c.c. gets discouraged about not being 100% on top of everything. the other night, she was frustrated about the house being less than neat. unfortunately, i don’t always have my head straight, and i occasionally communicate non-verbally that i’m frustrated by it.

what can i say? i’m sometimes a jerk. but, the reality is that i am blessed more than i can express by having c.c. as my wife and the mother of my child.

at the end of the day, i would much rather have my daughter cherished and engaged throughout the day by her mom than for the toys and dishes to be put in their places.

c.c. is one special human being. i love you, baby. thanks for choosing to share your life with me.

today was just an ordinary day. friday is a day off from work. a day with my family.

c.c. is sick today, so she spent most of the day in bed. this gave me and darby a chance to have what we like to call a “daddy-darby day”.

i’ve just put her to bed and i’m reflecting on our day. we had nothing planned, we just went with the flow. it was a very ordinary day, but this is the stuff that strengthens bonds between a dad and daughter.

i wanted to recount the events of the day, if for no other reason to remind myself in the future that just spending time with my daughter is so meaningful. i know it is for me. and i trust that when it’s all said and done, daddy-darby days will do more to make darby secure in her dad’s love than anything money can buy.

8:45 - up
9:00 - cuddling on couch drinking milk
9:15 - breakfast with momma
10:00 - playing with darby’s play kitchen
10:45 - trip to the grocery for cold medicine for momma
11:30 - walked to nearby park and ran around on soccer field
12:30 - lunch
1:00 - drumming on high chair tray (never too early to start teaching rhythm)
1:30 - naptime
3:30 - up, snacktime
4:00 - rough-housing, throwing darby on the couch, lots of laughter
5:00 - darby helped me unpack our new dishwasher, start to take out the old one*
6:00 - momma got up, darby and i went to pick up a pizza for dinner
6:30 - dinner, more drumming, more laughter
7:00 - darby helped me “solve” the rubik’s cube, played with momma on the couch
8:00 - pajamas, milk, bedtime story in the rocking chair
8:15 - goodnight

*as handy as i am, i couldn’t figure out how to get the old one out. this affected my confidence that i would know how to install the new one even if i ever did figure it out. my friend nate is coming over tomorrow to help a brother out.

these kinds of stories are why i’m excited to be a father of a girl!

i’m a blessed man!

c.c. and i went on an honest-to-goodness date this past saturday night - dinner AND a movie. woo hoo! this doesn’t happen quite as often now that we’ve entered parenthood.

as we were sitting waiting for the previews to start, we ran through our favorite movies that we’ve seen at the theater in 2007.

here’s our list:

1. August Rush
2. wait….that’s the only one we saw this year…

anyway, “august rush” was a well made movie. the story was told in a very compelling way. the main characters developed well. they did a good job incorporating music into the story. and they also avoided a personal pet peeve of mine. they taught the actors how to fake it convincingly on their musical instruments - close enough that it wasn’t distracting.

c.c. and i both had a pretty emotional reaction to the film. it hit close to home with our daughter having been an abandoned child.

on one hand, it was a nice diamond in the rough story…the kid who beat all the odds. sadly, the reason that it’s such a fantastic story is that it’s so fantastic. it just doesn’t happen that way in the real world, and there are roughly 143 million kids in the world that can attest to that.

there was one line in particular in the film that still has me thinking….

august (the orphaned boy) finds his way to a catholic church where he spends some time at the shelter there and strikes up friendships with a young girl named hope and the reverend jay. when he goes missing again, hope is expressing her worry about august to reverend jay, who says to hope, “i prayed for him. did you?” she says that yes, she did pray.

then reverend jay says something to the effect of, “don’t you think that his Father (looking up) will do what’s best for him?”

wow. a double edged sword.

if yes, then what about all the other kids who don’t stumble upon an extraordinary musical gift that they can use to be reunited with their birthparents? seriously, throughout the entire movie i could not stop thinking about all the kids in the world that don’t have homes. everything went through that filter.

more personally….i believe that God planned for darby to be our daughter. we stumbled almost blindly into this plan. there’s no way we could ever take credit for it. but at the same time, it presents a problem for me. what about all the other kids that are not adopted? surely their Father will do what’s best for them as well.

it really boils down to the age-old question - if God is so good, then why all the evil in the world?

i don’t have rock solid, completely satisfactory answers, but i guess that’s what faith is all about. i do believe that God is working a plan of redemption in the world, but that it’s an ongoing project with gains and losses along the way. his project depends on people. we are waking up to this, but we’ve got a long way to go.

it pains me to know that there are kids who grow into adulthood without knowing what a family’s love is all about. i HAVE to believe that this not only is not part of God’s plan, but that it breaks his heart too.

raise your hand if you’ve ever heard of Lianjiang City, China.

didn’t think so.

this is the hometown of our daughter, darby. Lianjiang is in the southern Guangdong province of China. other than darby’s 9 “sisters” that were all adopted together this past february, we have never met anyone else from Lianjiang city. in fact, i can’t remember a single person who has recognized the city since we returned from china, including a handful of chinese people who’ve asked about where darby is from.

until Christmas Eve….

on our way home from the last christmas eve service at our church, we stopped at a chinese take out restaurant close to our house. it turns out that the guy who waited on us is from Lianjiang City!! his name is Lin.

we asked him a few questions, but for fear of coming on too strong and ending up with a restraining order, we decided against inviting him over to our house on the spot. truthfully, we’d love nothing more than to strike up a friendship and learn more about darby’s hometown. i am so curious about what life is like in Lianjiang.

we hope to visit one day. pay a visit to the spot where darby was found and to the orphanage where she spent her first 13 months. say “xie xie” (thank you) to the nannies that took such good care of her.

needless to say, we’ve found our new chinese restaurant of choice.

so……how many orders of kung pao chicken before we try to “next level” it with Lin?

“here’s how you hold it.”

“is this right?”

“hold on, i need to adjust the action.”

“that B string just won’t stay in tune!”

“baby, we have to work on your rock face.”

my wife, c.c., rocks!

she is full-time mom, part-time tupperware salesperson, and part-time seminary student.

c.c. just finished her first class, intro to counseling. aced it! A.

by the way, as far as i’m concerned she gets “A” for wife, “A” for mom, and “A” for tupperware sales as well..

cuddled with darby
made waffles for c.c. and darby
played “play kitchen” with darby
helped c.c. with christmas cookie baking
watched john mayer and wilco on austin city limits
leftover ham and homemade mac & cheese for lunch
put darby down for nap
(thinking about a nap myself)

all in all, this is shaping up to be one of my favorite sundays in awhile!

3 more christmas eve services tomorrow.

what do you know? traveling with a small toddler and a large dog in a mid-size sedan is difficult!

*update*

we survived. here’s are a couple shots from the return trip…

let me try to explain a tension that c.c. and i feel as international adoptive parents. in order for this to make sense at all, you have to know that our daughter was adopted from China.

okay, first i’ll put it simply and then you can decide if you want to read further…

the tension is between our heart to live out our faith tangibly by “looking after widows and orphans in their distress… ,” and our desire for our daughter never to feel as if she is a charity case.

let me take it farther….

on the one hand,

our hearts go out to every child in the world who has been orphaned. more and more, we find ourselves wanting to do whatever we can do to raise awareness and try to point people in the direction of supporting and reaching out to orphans everywhere. there are over 143 million of them worldwide, so it’s no small task!! my mind wanders off every day to dreams about what my specific role will be.

to give you an idea of the situation in china, which will from now on always have part of our heart - only a small percentage of the orphanages in the country are set up to adopt their children out internationally. this means that many, many, many children in the country have no real hope of ever being adopted. the conditions of the orphanages vary widely as well. the government, understandably, funnels more resources into the orphanages that are set up for international adoption - these are the kids that will “represent” china in the world. the other side of this coin is that the kids who have the least chance of having a family are also raised in tougher conditions. the reasons behind this situation are many and complicated. there’s lots of information available online. maybe i’ll write specifically about this in the future…

now, on the other hand,

we adopted our daughter, darby, because we wanted a daughter - plain and simple. the thought that she would ever feel like we were obligated to give her a home because of our religious beliefs, or out of a sense of guilt is unbearable.

in a way that only adoptive parents can fully understand, darby is our daughter, and we believe with everything in us that God planned all along for her to be our daughter. as i tell darby in her nightly bedtime “story” - a family is God’s idea. he decides which boys and girls go with which mommies and daddies to make a family. and sometimes he has to go all the way around the world to make a perfect match!

so there’s the tension. i hope that it’s in some way beneficial to someone. if you try to encourage an adoptive parent by admiring how they’ve done a noble thing and you sense a bit of defensiveness pop up in them, now you know a bit about why this may be the case.

and knowing is half the battle.

sorry, my inner G.I. Joe came out there.

peace!

…add my mother-in-law’s recipe for sausage balls to the list of things i’m thankful for.

thanks Janet!

…work. here’s how it goes.

“thanksgiving is next week….perfect timing. i’m really looking forward to a long weekend, just relaxing (yeah right), and hanging out with my girls. it will be nice to take a break from work.”

end of thanksgiving day: “ahhhh, this was awesome. good food, great laughs, etc….“

day after thankgiving: “awesome, another day to just hang out and not think about work (yeah, right).”

today, saturday: “i can’t believe i’ve let two days go by without working at all!! (okay, a little bit. does email count?)”

we scheduled a large-scale worship event for next weekend. although perfect timing for the purpose of the event - to repackage advent for our church context and launch us into the christmas celebration together - horrible timing in terms of the prep work involved to pull it off. there are many people sacrificing to make this thing great. a huge thanks to any of you if you’re reading this!!

all of this being said, i’m struck today by how blessed i am to have meaningful and challenging work that pretty darn well matches up with my gifts, passions, etc. no doubt that the fall brought a curse on the nature of work, but there’s still something beautiful and right about engaging your brain, your energy, your hands in moving this human project forward. a friend of mine wondered aloud the other day if there would still be problems to figure out in heaven.

okay, i just got a subtle reminder from my wife that today is saturday after thanksgiving. time to be a husband and dad.

thanksgiving last year was one of our last days before seeing this picture of the little girl who would change our lives forever….

today was one of my favorite thanksgiving days ever. hanging out at home all day with my girls, eating good food, laughing, playing. life is GOOD.

praise God from whom all blessings flow…..

::: i’m about to leave for lunch with my wife & daughter. we’re meeting up with several families in our China adoption travel group. we make every effort to take these opportunities that come up. we’re not as good at initiating, but…..

::: our .mac site is not publishing properly. i’ve spent a lot of hours on it and i’m very frustrated. our comments aren’t publishing. if you’re reading this and you’re a iWeb genious, please help a brother out….

::: lots of work-related things on my plate right now that are causing some stress, but i love what i do. it’s going to be worth it. we’re gearing up for our next “the approach” event. we’re repackaging advent and translating it to our church culture/community. also, trying to find some inspiration for christmas series and christmas eve services. the pressures on!!

::: jars of clay’s new christmas cd is GOOD.

::: going to hear rob bell speak tonight on his “the gods aren’t angry” tour. i’ve really been challenged and inspired by rob’s messages from his church via podcasting.

last week i turned 33 years young. the age jesus was when he died.

it’s here! it arrived yesterday. shopfreepay.com is legit.

5 weeks ago i began the process to get a “free” macbook for my lovely wife.

total time = 41 days
total $$ = $243.54

cc posted a blog on our family site with a video of darby running through all of her words. this is a fun time, watching her learn how to speak. she has such a cute voice, and the way she calls our dog “Uhhta” instead of “Utah” is priceless to me!

i love darby’s developing voice.

what i most looked forward to during our three-full-term-pregnacy-long wait for darby, was finding out what her voice would be like. sure - the tone, the inflections, the physical voice. but beyond that, her voice.

how will her voice develop?

what will capture her heart as she matures into a thinking person? what will be so important to her that she can’t help but speak it out in whatever sphere of influence she is given? what passions and values will be shaped in her?

it’s AWESOME to hear darby’s little voice as she works to master her first words. how much more gratifying will it be to hear her voice as it develops.

I gotta say that I never knew that being a dad would be so awesome! Darby has brought more joy to my life than I ever imagined. What a blessing from God. I find myself surprised by moments of spontaneous worship that just spring up when I think about how much God has blessed C.C. and me.

I’ve found it really difficult to fully engage back into life. All I want to do is play with Darby and experience life through her eyes. I’m just starting to pick back up with some of the dreams and things I was thinking through and working on before we left for China. I’m slowly starting to get my “want to” back. I just know that life will never be the same - and i couldn’t be happier.

….as I mentioned in my last post, my wife and I are in Guangzhou, China finalizing the adoption of our first daughter.

Yesterday, after an adoption-related appointment, we were walking along on the streets of Shamian Island just relaxing and shopping when I made eye contact with a guy passing by. I knew I recognized him from somewhere. Just as he passed it hit me, and I called to him, “Hi, Jim.” It was Jim Caveziel, who played Jesus in The Passion of the Christ!

We wanted to be considerate of his time and personal space, so I just wanted to say thanks for taking the role in The Passion and leave it at that. But he stopped and asked us and the two other couples we were with all about our adoption. Turns out he and his wife were there to adopt their second child from China! He was one of the most genuine and down-to-earth celebrities I’ve ever spoken with. He ended up talking with us for 10 to 15 minutes. Very cool.

My wife, C.C. and I are having the time of our lives in China getting to know Darby - our little gift from God. We’re in Guangzhou, in the southern Chinese province of Guangdong. We’re living in a hotel apartment here for 9 more days before bringing Darby home to North Carolina forever!

We can’t begin to describe how full and blessed we feel. God is so good!

If you’d like to follow along with our progress, check out our family blog site:

More of Darby

After such a long wait, we finally received our referral for our new baby daughter. Meet Darby Dean Yuan Claybrook. We hope to be able to travel to China in late January to bring her home forever!